Turn to Him

Sometimes, I just feel weak. I don't feel like waking up and reading the bible or sometimes even a short little devotional like Jesus Calling. I don't have the words to say to the Lord, so I just lay. I lay and stare. Not taking the time to examine my heart as to why I feel nothing. Sometimes my insides feel weak. Sometimes I'm on a roll and I feel as though my relationship with the Lord is going awesome. Answered prayers here and there, I "feel" in tune, close and ready to righteously combat anything that comes my way. Then life happens again. You don't get that job offer you were so confidently praying for & therefore expecting, you had a rough argument with a friend, your house is a mess, something negative was said about you, you're just plain old exhausted, something happened. Anything happened, or nothing happened. Either way, you just cant bring yourself to "feel" anything other that simply nothing towards the Lord.

We all have these moments. I promise you. One of the most important things that I needed to realize was that I am not alone. All I want to do sometimes is try to run away from God, simply out of shame because I fear that I am not measuring up to 90% of the other believers who seem to never have to distant feeling moments. However in my walk? They seem to be more so often than not. One of the things I am working on is not trying to hide myself (which is impossible) or turn and ignore the Lord when I feel unpleasing or non-glorifying. Satan works extremely hard to steer our minds towards anything other than the Lord when we feel like He may be disappointed with us. Satan wants us to feel ashamed, guilty and distant.

Something I am still trying to grasp daily is His grace. How big it is, how real it is and how very strong it is. We sometimes don't fully comprehend the concept of grace, simply because we aren't used to receiving it, or giving it. There are so many characteristics of God that can sometimes be difficult to wrap our minds around. We look up at Him in fear, feeling helpless and so little when we sin, and all He wants to do is grab us, hold us tight and tell us that everything is going to be okay. Yes, He is the God of judgment and justice and we should fear Him with a reverent fear continually. However, He is also the God of comfort. A comfort that only He is able to give. He is the God of peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding. He is love. A love that never fails. Despite every feeling we have ever had to NOT come to Him in worship and in prayer, despite every sin we have ever sinned and will sin, despite our tendencies to run away from the only God who will be able to fully forgive and satisfy our need for that reassuring feeling, despite it all, that love isn't going anywhere. Although it's important to keep those very strong characteristics in mind, the other soft, gracious and merciful characteristics are just as important, if not more. The entire gospel is abounding in grace. The last thing He desires for us is to turn away, feel guilty and shameful, ending up even more distant which is exactly what satan wants for us.

Instead, come to Him in complete honesty. He understands! He created us. He knows we aren't going to "feel" like doing absolutely anything some days! He knows every one of our situations. He is saying "Trust me. I know, beloved. Grab my hand and let me help you. Let's do this together." There is no condemnation in Him. That is the truth. Our desire for Him comes from Him, therefore our feelings are irrelevant. Sometimes I have to come to Him and say "Lord, I am weak, I feel gross, I am tired, I don't feel like praying, I don't feel like reading, I don't feel like becoming more like you I just want to sit and cry. Give me a desire. Please Lord, even though my flesh may not even want one. Lord strengthen me, give me a willingness and a strong desire to sit in your presence and worship you, talk with you and learn from you." He will bless that! I promise. So when you have those seasons of feeling completely complacent and lazy, hurt, bitter, tired, keep in mind all of His characteristics as a whole and remember that He is always pursuing us. He wants to walk with us, He wants to comfort us and allow us to feel His grace and love. Because it is bigger than anything we will ever imagine or know of. It's more real than anything we have ever felt before, and He wants that for us. We have to be open to it, we have to step out of our comfort zone, we have to discipline ourselves to remain where we are standing and say "God, I am weak but strengthen me now." and with everything inside of me I know that He will.

Who am I Trying to Please?

So, recently in many different areas, I have been really struggling with is people pleasing. Also known as the approval of man or fear of man. I've actually surprised myself lately with how often I am concerned with what people will think of me. Weather it be my family, people I have been affiliated with in the past, my very close friends or even people I don't know at all! In some way, I find myself frequently worrying myself or concerning myself with the way other people see me. When you really think about it, there is so much pressure that goes along with pleasing people. How exhausting is it to have to uphold all of these different people's views of you?! There are so many different areas in which I struggle with this sin. Yes, sin. 

Before I explain, let me give you a couple of referenaces that may be able to help you understand as to why the approval of man is completely wrong. Galations 1:10 "Am I now trying to win the approval of man or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." This verse is a difficult one to really grasp and take in. It's sort of like trying to worship two Gods. You just can't! It isn't possible. If you are trying to win the approval of man, then there is no way you are trying to please God as well. It's humanly impossible. However, why must we not desire the approval of man? Because like the Word touches on multiple times, such as in Matthew 10:28 it says "Do not fear those who can kill the body but cannot kill the soul, but rather fear the one who can destroy both body and soul in hell." This sounds a little harsh, but either way my point is that what can mere man do?! We desire so badly to please the very people whose opinion matters none! When we find our security and our confidence in other people, we will fail. Desiring to please people will take such a toll on the way that you act, think, dress, talk, practically live! It is such a trap and it simply deteriorates us.  

When we are under the approval of man, we are being run by them. They are in control in essence of what we so "choose" to do. No longer are we under the control of the Lord, but we allow our lives to be in control of those around us, whose opinions at the end of the day mean absolutely nothing. It is one of the hardest things for me to do in all honestly. I am viewed strongly by many people as someone who doesn't mind what people think about me, and in all honesty at times the Lord grants me that strength but in other times like lately, that couldn't be further from the truth. For example, having 5 girls in the family is a PARTY to say the least. However at the same time, along with that comes much comparing, jealously and judgment. I allow myself to get into my head, and as a result end up stressing myself out rather than simply enjoying my siblings company. So many times I find myself trying to prove something to them. You would think that because of the fact that they're family, that you wouldn't have to prove a thing, but instead family is probably the hardest place to start. They know you. They know your triggers, weaknesses, failures, your rawness, they know it all. To try to prove to your family something different than what they have seen for the majority of your life is one of the most difficult things to do, as well as a waste of time. Yes. A complete and total, not to mention foolish waste of time. 

I can sometimes catch myself wanting so badly to paint a picture of myself containing no faults, no mess-ups, no areas of failure or uncertainty, just perfection. When I do this, I completely take away my sole purpose for surviving on this earth, and that is to extend His kingdom. When I indulge myself on pleasing the people around me, I am drawing no one to Christ, but to myself. In turn, I become so weary for absolutely no reason. I exhaust myself, and only end up feeling terrible about me as a person. My body, my talents, my skin, my style, my intelligence, and not just to my family but to all. Feeling as though you need to talk or at a certain way for a young man to even give you a second look, to have to over-spiritualize something to gain a certain amount of respect from a friend, to focus hours on what you're planning to wear the next day to prove to Lord knows who, that you know what you're doing when it comes to style. Everything becomes so self centered when we focus so much on what others around us are thinking. 

As believers, we need to get to a point where we stop worrying about what he or she thinks, but solely what the Lord thinks. We need to train and transform our minds to be only focused on what God thinks about us, about our hearts, to forget about proving something to everyone else, to let go of the way you feel you are perceived, and let the Lord begin to do a work in your life to the point where it becomes inevitable that something about you is different, and in turn bring glory to HIM instead of ourselves. If we do this thing biblically, it all makes perfect sense. If we are focused on what the Lord thinks of us, we then begin to know our worth. We don't have to prove anything to anyone because we become so secure in Him and what He thinks of us, how worthy we are and pleasing we are to Him, that we are finally able to release any insecurity dealing with our piers and what they may have to say. Because at the end of the day, none of that matters. 

None of what other people think about you is important. The Lord will begin to change you, which in turn will change other people's minds and perceptions of you. Let Him do the work because He can handle it. There is no way we're able to keep up with reaching all of these different people's expectations. We're going to mess up! We're going to fail, and instead of stressing yourself out about what he or she thinks, begin to train your mind to forget about what everyone thinks, and focus on serving, trusting and pleasing the only one who's opinion matters. You are so capable! I'm not saying it's an easy thing to do, and if you struggle with people pleasing like I did for many years, and time to time still do, it's no easy fix. However, the Lord desires nothing more than you. Your efforts and your best. No one else deserves that. I promise if you begin to put down the fear of man and work on your fear of God, then the change that you wouldn't have ever been able to do in your own power and efforts alone, will begin to take place. Let's do this!

Stop, Drop & Lay

I apologize in advanced if this post is in any way difficult to follow! It took a while for me to gather all of my thoughts and emotions to create a blog post. However, here we go! This past week I was able to prep my house for an overflow of company, interview for, and luckily land a job as well as finishing my last semester of school for this year. God is good. As this lovely family and fun filled weekend comes to a close, I've definitely gotten the opportunity to recognize a few things. It's always great for me to see what things I need to work on. Living by myself, I get plenty of time to see what I love to do, what I don't love to do, my strengths, weaknesses and struggles. When you're by yourself, you'll always end up doing what you want to do. You'll listen to what you want to listen to, watch what you desire to watch, you get a little bit of time to figure out who you are in the company of only yourself. Over this past year, I've gotten to learn a bit about me. One of the things I've gotten the opportunity to learn was how important intentional time with the Lord is rather than simply, "time." 

As exciting and wonderful as it always is to have family here, I definitely recognized how easily stressed out and overwhelmed I became due to the comfortability of being on my own for so long. There are not many things I love more than getting to host a bunch of family. However, it was so easy for me to fall back into a little "funk."I quickly realized how little I had been in the Word in the midst of my busy week and how quickly and easily it affected my attitude, mindset and heart. Instead of my focus remaining on Him, I could see myself more and more being dragged into a focus of comparison, stress and frustration. 

It was the morning that my sister had driven to Einstein Bagels, only to realize that she had forgotten the money at home. Therefore she called, and as I grudgingly drove to hand over her wallet, the Lord immediately convicted me of my attitude. Not only in that moment, but throughout the entire weekend. Things such as my quick temper, lack of patience and selfishness had come to mind, and I very clearly felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to pull myself together. He had then graciously planted a lovely idea into my mind. On my way back from Einsteins, I was desperate to stop and spend any amount of time with Him that I could. I had come to the end of my rope, and needed to do something about it. Thankfully, the absolutely beautiful lookout over the lake right across from my house, was finally put to good use. I parked my car and put on some good worship music and sat in silence, asking the Lord to forgive my neglect towards Him, and my heart towards other things. It was the biggest breath of fresh air. 

In my relationship with Him, there is a huge difference between time with Him, and intentional time with Him. The standard and mundane routine runs it's course after a while, and I very quickly feel myself becoming spiritually thirsty for something more. Sometimes, something different. My divine intervention with the Lord that morning allowed me to realize something very important. Something that I need to remind myself of daily. The fact that I so desperately and more than anything else, need the Lord. In every way, during every single minute of my day, no matter what. The no matter what part it sort of the most difficult to really carry out, though it is very possible. I felt as though because things were going alright, I could put Him in the back seat. Little did I know that what was left as a result of that, was a bad attitude and an unwilling spirit.

Learning to become more and more disciplined with my intentional time with the Lord with all of the time that I have, has been such a wonderful experience, as well as a learning struggle. It breaks my heart to think how easily I can put my relationship with him in the back seat. Even unknowingly sometimes! However, I am loving every bit of revelation and growth that I get to experience on this journey to figuring it out. All in all, this weekend was obviously incredible. The joy and love that resinates in the room while family is here is absolutely undeniable. I just cant express to you how crucial it is for us to never let satan carry out his plans, which always include pulling us away in spirit from the peace that we experience when our minds are fully focused on Him. Don't be afraid to lie in His presence alone. To drive by yourself to that beautiful look out and just vent to Him, to sit on the swinging chair on the porch and talk with Him, or simply get in the shower and sing to Him. Don't allow your fear, laziness or stress get in the way of that. He is listening and He is in love with you. Every little ounce of intentional time that you set apart, every spontaneous moment that belong to glorifying Him, He absolutely adores. 

As much as it is a blessing and a joy to sit at the feet of God, it is also a necessity- our daily bread. We cannot extend joy if we do not have it. We cannot extend peace, nor love, nor patience, nor any good thing, if we have not been supplying it and receiving it from the one who freely gives it. Do not be hesitant to stop, drop and lay at His feet. It's absolutely a win, win. As for me? I'll be cleaning up the remains as a result of the Singletary clan crashing at my place. It's time to rejuvenate and of course as I've been mentioning, get a much needed and lovely fix of my Lord to end a start the week. If your lack of patience, your confusion, fear, anxiety, stress and frustration seem to be creeping on in, simply remember to run to Him. The one who comforts, gives rest, the one who can be trusted, who loves you more than you will ever understand, and the one who absolutely adores spending time with the raw, broken and weary you. Stop letting whatever it is get in the way, and begin or continue chasing after what your mind, body and spirit need the most. 

Get Up & Get On!

I think now is the time you all discover a portion of my forgetfulness & inconsistency. It's been way too long since I've posted. However, I've been doing a ton of thinking & decided that this bit would maybe be of some help to people who feel as though life is sort of happening all around them, while you are sort of waiting for your next chapter.

Recently my wonderful older brother Matt moved in with me for a few short months to train, in hopes for a position on one of the teams (that I cannot pronounce & surely cannot spell) in Canada. It was a lovely blessing having him around. Getting to experience him in a different light, being able to get vulnerable with each other, and play a tiny part in the growth that we had the chance to experience together. Nonetheless, while he is training, every single day, I was not. In fact I felt as though he were preparing himself for something magnificent, and I was simply watching. I encountered this same feeling when my sister had no less that 500 stories to tell me about her incredible boyfriend (I am so happy for them, I promise!) and the many adventures she went on with her friends, so basically in my mind I am comparing her life to the absence of mine.

To me, I sought for justification. In this case, it was that my situation was different. In all its entirety, it sure is. I'm not surrounded by people who are on the same mission as I am, I don't find many people with the same interests nor general mindset as mine, nor do I live in regulated community. In my mind, living by myself and not having the accessible opportunity to create genuine bonds with the people around me due to my one hour commute to school, was enough for me to justify in my mind the fact that I was in fact watching my life pass me by. Not only that, but envying those around me whose lives seemed to be headed towards something lovely.

I sat, complained, even pleaded with the Lord to set up some type of upcoming event that I would be able to look forward to, simply to erase this feeling of complacency and dissatisfaction. It wasn't until I listened to these sermons that my dad had sent me. One by Creflo Dollar, called 'The Solution for Singleness' & another series titled 'A Satisfied Woman' by T.D. Jakes. Judging by the titles, I'm sure you've already picked up on the fact that my father is probably very content with the fact that I am the only one in my family without a significant other. He's got these tapes, books and podcasts on speed delivery!

As I sat there and listened to these tapes, I recognized something vitally important. Something that I had already known, yet had forgotten. No matter what stage in life I may be in, weather I am 20 years old waiting for the next big thing, or 90 years old. I am on this earth for a purpose. Waking up and feeling as though everything around me is happening for others, during the time I thought it would be happening for myself is no reason to settle into a state of discouragement. The minute I do this, I take things out of the Lord's hands. Little by little, I needed to find my purpose again. Find motivation, discipline and drive, to become closer and closer to the things the Lord has in store for me. We are always preparing. No matter where our current stage in life may be, we need to remain in preparation mode. Sitting around my house wondering and waiting is no longer an option. I believe whole heartedly that the Lord has wonderful things in store for those who love Him and desire to do His will.

So. It's been a rough and dry couple of weeks, but due to prayer and a little motivation from the Word, I've become much more aware of the duties that I have as a young woman. It's a fight to find motivation and inspiration. Things can get mundane and your mind can easily wonder to a place of discouragement and dissatisfaction. I'm telling you, don't let it! You have full authority over your thoughts and what you choose to dwell them on. The more you sit and watch things happen around you, the harder it will become for you to stand up and start running with it. Change up your routine! Go for a walk and admire the beautiful creation around you instead of reading inside at your kitchen table. Worship the Lord with some music while you clean the house and sing your little heart out. Grab some coffee with a friend and fellowship. There are so many other options rather than sticking to your routine lifestyle. Find that inspiration that will begin successfully preparing you for the things ahead, and that will quickly begin taking your spiritual life to the next level. Go get em'!

"As for you brothers, do not grow weary in doing good." 2 Thessalonians 3:13

Oh, No She Didn't!

Have you ever literally wanted to just die... Sounds a little dramatic, but aren't we all. When some rather surprising news hit you, when something unexpected happens to you out of the blue, your lose someone close, you lose your job, money, a friend... You get in a horrific fight with your parents, a close friend, you feel betrayed in some way or another by someone... The list goes on and on regarding situations where we could "lose our cool" or according to 2 Timothy 4:5 "lose our head." The verse says this; "keep your head in all situations"... Easier said then done (somehow that phrase seems to make sense for 2/3 of the Bible's commands). When I think of "keeping your head" or in other words, not flipping out, not losing your mind, nor acting off of feeling & circumstance, but keeping grounded in your heart and mind we deal with the certain situation according to the word. With wisdom, patience, understanding, hope, love, & most difficultly, joy.

Since were in the month of December, which obviously means CHRISTMAS!!!!! Let's talk about Joseph for a second. A man who was indeed righteous. Who desired nothing less than the Lord's will for his life. Who dedicated his life solely to the Lord according to the Word, and last but not least, devoted himself & his soon to be wife to complete & total purity through courting (dating) & through the engagement. Think about this for a second, because its unbelievable how well he handles his feelings when his fiancé comes to him saying "Joseph I'm pregnant!!" How in the world would you feel, how would you respond? It's a fair question. I mean, complete purity. So HE knows that it aint his! Mary can go on & on to tell him about how she didn't sleep with another man, how it was from the Lord (which now a days, I would probably slap someone if that had been their excuse)... I'm sure Josephs mind was racing, not eve fully paying attention to the words coming out of Mary's mouth beyond "I'm pregnant". Listen to this though, what did he do? He didn't want to publicly disgrace her, or make a fool out of her, so without even knowing/believing it was from the Lord, he decided to break off the engagement secretly. FOR HER SAKE! What a mighty fine man, huh? Now, obviously the story goes on, the Lord tells Joseph to marry her, and being the obedient man of God he was, he watched a pregnant woman walk down the aisle, and took her hand in marriage, trusting and hoping that this baby was indeed of the Lord. Long story so, so short, look what happened. The son of God was born, with the help of Joseph. What an unimaginable thing to witness and be apart of. All because Joseph didn't lose his mind, & he abided by scripture.

When it comes to us & our every day situations, I think that Joseph really set the bar on this one. Some of us are going through an extremely tough time, maybe we put ourselves in the situation, maybe we were thrown into it, or just measled our way into it... Either way, praise the Lord because it doesn't matter how we got there. The Word says that He works out EVERY situation for the GOOD of those who love Him. It doesn't say every situation that we got thrown into by other people, or every situation that sin didn't cause you to get there... but EVERY situation. Period. How amazing? For those of us who are in some sort of tough situation, whatever it is. I mean WHATEVER it may be, physically, spiritually, emotionally, huge, small, stand on that verse. Romans 8:28, and understand that just because we may have gotten our own selves there, or we had on control over the situation, it doesn't mean that the Lord won't use that situation for amazing things.

For those of us who were thrown into certain situations, where it wasn't sin that got us there, it is amazing to know that in Genesis 50:20 it says, "What they intended for evil, Lord You intended for good"in other words, no matter what, the Lord has your best interest & will use other peoples hard hearts and harmful ways towards you, for wonderful things. This is a win, win situation. Like most times, we can always lose our minds, regret way too much of what we had said or how we had handled a situation. We could sulk, sit & cry, expecting no good from any situation, or we could stand of 2 Timothy and keep our heads. We can remain sober minded at all times, thinking of the wisest way to deal with each circumstance we may encounter. It's not an easy thing to do, but it's something that we are absolutely capable of doing. The more and more we learn to trust the Lord and realize that no matter what is going on, He has a divine purpose ALWAYS, and no matter what, He is using that certain situation for lovely things, the easier it becomes to stand on the word in tough times.

Like Joseph, we never know what we could be missing. What could be ahead of us, or what gifts and blessings we may miss out on due to our lashing out. I'm sure Joseph wanted badly to say "screw you" to Mary and find someone who in his mind was telling the truth about remaining pure, but he didn't, did he... He remained standing on the word, sober minded and obedient to the Lord, and He surely blessed that. Let's learn to choose joy in every circumstance and trust in the Lord that everything going on, is for a wonderful purpose that He has in mind, because He loves us. We are all capable!

What's Modesty?

So, is it just me, or when you think of the word "modesty" do words like chivalry, celibacy... basically words that are kind of unheard now-a-days come to mind? It seems like this outrageous "no need for clothing" movement of 2012 is more dangerous than most would be cognizant of. I remember sitting amongst several 15 & 16 year old young ladies, baffled after realizing how influential we as young people can be, simply by our dress. Mostly speaking for the women, it can be extremely difficult to decifer our motifs behind dressing. 

This topic has interested me for a while, and after reading few books on the issue, I've come to realize a few things. 1. How powerful we as young women are when it comes to guarding the hearts of our brothers in Christ. 2. There is always an underlying issue as to why we may feel the need to "dress to attract" in order to feel attractive. 3. MEN'S SPIRITS DO NOT WANT IT. Yes, their flesh may be LOVING it, but their spirits are indeed disturbed. I used to look in the mirror and find myself dressing for certain people. Different kinds of people. This also meant, many different phases of not so cute... but hey, I think I took all the crap that was rightfully deserved after walking out of the house with a flat billed hat, a ripped up wife beater, my huge brothers old, baggy & multi colored jeans, and some pink high top Chuck Taylors. That particular friend group I yearned to please? I have absolutely no idea. But before I get off track, I was always trying to look attractive to a certain people in some way or another. Which is not bad whatsoever, though when we are trying to bring attention to ourselves somehow, this is where it becomes a problem. 

We are all familiar with the common term "vanity", but we rarely discuss the issues of causing others to stumble. Men are visual creatures, period.  We ought to always be cautious of NOT desiring the attraction from men that causes them to stumble, simply out of love. Rarely do we think about respect as a means to other women's husbands, boyfriends, or most importantly the Lord's growing men. We are told in 1 Corintheans 8:13 "Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall." Weather we like it or not, we as believers are called to not only look out for ourselves and our own issues and concerns, but for others as well. That means that  if I am wearing a semi low cut shirt that was considered acceptably modest, and one young man is having an issue with it, it does not become sin until you are notified by him, and become aware of the fact that it is causing him to stumble. At this point, if you do not do something about it, this is indeed sin. The best way personally to go about KNOWING you are in the safe zone, is simply being above reproach. We as young women hold the key when it comes to this whole visual/modesty thing. We have more power than we think. Though when it comes down to it, it is our husbands ONLY, that deserve to see you in your skin alone. Our body's are not our own to flaunt around and show off. If this is our mindset towards dressing, this is when it becomes a heart issue.

When I used to look in the mirror and decide what to wear, the attention it would bring to me and my body was a huge factor. Why? Many reasons. To name a few, I was extremely insecure. Therefore, hearing uplifting, fleshly compliments would always seem to satisfy temporarily and boost my confidence. I also struggled with pride and vanity. I was easily intimidated due to my insecurity, so if I could be best dressed and my body & looks would be able to please the men around me, I was doing something right... WRONG! This was a total wrong mindset. A destructive one. It took much time for me to realize my worth, my importance and all this did was create this false so called truth in my mind that all I had to me was my outer appearance. I still to this day am a firm believer of young women coming to terms with how valuable they are as young ladies in Christ. Your body is a temple of the Lord that is only to be "shown off" with the lucky man you end up spending the rest of your short life with! No man deserves an ounce of your flawless skin. This was a mindset that took years to develop, but I have to say if there was one thing I wish all women could understand/exercise , this would be it. 

To wrap this up, I believe it is so important to know that it is our duty as young women, our job to encourage and respect the young men of God, instead of making it THAT much more difficult that it clearly already is in this day and age. If he is in Christ, there is a tug and pull for his spirit. It is vital that we do everything we can to keep their eyes on Christ, rather than on our belly button rings, cleavage & butt cracks. Just like we have many struggles and desire to stay focused, we need to respect the desire of men to grow fervent in their relationship with the Lord and do as little as possible to detour that. In my opinion, there is no "How to" guide to dress modestly. All I can say is that a bandeau and some cheetah print, see through leggings may not be your besssssttt bet. When it comes down to it, it honestly depends. I've had young men who have said that tank tops under shirts draw attention to your chest, leggings & yoga pants are a big one, visible bra straps, Nike tempos, it all depends who you are around. Like I said, just be aware. Take the above reproach route and it will serve you well. Pray and ask the Lord for wisdom and He will surely bless you in that, but surely if you struggle with desiring attention from men, or even people in general. Pray and ask the Lord to reveal to you your worth. Meditate on verses and really come to terms with how valuable you are in Christ. Remember that we are not our own! We have a job and responsibility as believers to look out for the hearts of others. Let's do so and start with good ol' modesty!

Wait, Where is Everybody?

So. For a little update on the life of a broke, lonely college student, I've decided to fill you in with a rather informative yet encouraging post. I have to say that coming to Chicago has been one of the most exciting decisions that the Lord has brought me to... for many different reasons. One being that my younger sister Brooke is attending Wheaton. We never really had the strongest relationship due to past issues, but instead of dealing with them, we brushed them aside and they began to pile up. Soon enough, we were literally walking on egg shells to not get into a disagreement with each other. Long story short, one of the reasons I know the Lord wanted me here was so that I could grow in my relationship with her, because for some reason (that I remain unaware of) it is an important one, and boy has the Lord been at work. She has become if not, one of my best friends. Anther reason I feel like the Lord brought me here is to be at my oldest sister Kristen's expense. I want to be willing to help and be there for her whenever she may need. That may or may not have anything to do with the fact that I also want myself to be Brooklynne's favorite Auntie! Just kidding, but really. Having little birdie around makes it all the more enjoyable. And lastly, my most... Non favorite reason as to why I am here, but favorite (you'll understand momentarily) is the fact that the Lord had told me a while before coming here, that I would be "alone". Now at the time I had no idea what this meant. Would I live alone, not know anyone or have friends, would I just be loneLY, never in the world was I expecting it to be all of the above! Although because He had informed me ahead of time, I was slightly prepared which I praise the Lord for often. Even still, I had no idea it was going to be like this. There is not one person that I know nor am friends with, within almost an hour from me. At school, let's just say I better be a bearer of light, cause I feel as though there is not one sane person NOT trying to get me high or take me out. You know, cause I'm "not living". But aside from all that, I sit here in my little ADORABLE town house, wishing I had my sisters, or my mother, even my father to sit and simply talk with me. Looking forward to any possible moment that I can be surrounded by community, family, friends... just people. Though recently with the Lords help, I came to a conclusion. It took many conversations and realizations to get to this point, but one thing I realized was that the amount of comfort that I desired to find in people, was unhealthy. All of my life, I have found comfort in people... either going through the same thing, having gone through it before, even simple advice that I already contained in my mind, hearing it from someone else seemed to validate it. If something went wrong, if I was feeling bad about something, if I was hurt, scared, frustrated, I went to people whom I desired comfort from. People who I knew cared about me, and had my best interest at heart. After a little revelation and a lot of prayer, the Lord began to uncover the fact that me not going to Him for comfort was a problem. It was something that I hadn't really realized. I sat and thought to myself, why would I not go to Him for comfort. He created it, He is the God of comfort, He loves me more than anything and cares for me more than I could ever fathom, so why on earth would I not go to Him to "feel better" and my answer appeared instantly. All of us want instant gratification. Satisfaction in that very moment. I began to think of every time I asked the Lord to take a stomach ache away, give me peace, heal my nana, mend a relationship, how the prayers either seemed unanswered, even unheard. So instead of going to the Father of all these things, I went to people. I called my best friend, my mother, my father. Well after listening to a sermon that I feel was directed right at me, the Lord began to show me that He was removing these crutches that stopped me from going to Him. Not just for comfort, but for everything! He cares for us. I always fail to remember that He knows what is best for us. He loves me more than anything, and He is going to give me His best. He is the first one I need to be going to if I am in any need of comfort. His yolk is easy and His burden is light. Instead of going to people to feed my hunger for instant satisfaction, I know that it's time to go to the Lord, simply because I trust Him. Because He has shown me that He is a jealous God and He will do whatever it takes for His child to come to Him. To yearn for Him. Weather it be to send my other half to Toledo, OH, having my busy, hard working parents live 6 hours away, sending one of my best friends to stinkin' Costa Rica (with no phone), and have me all lonesome in this amazing blessing of a home, He will do whatever it takes so that I, His daughter whom He is absolutely infatuated with can find comfort, confidence and reassurance going to Him. Don't get me wrong, having accountability, friends and family to comfort you in troubled times is amazing. We are called to lift each other up, to take each others burdens, but when He is no where in the mix of people we are going to, and far from the first? It will shortly become a problem. So all in all, being "lonely" isn't so bad. After all, it isn't so lonely the more and more I choose to become rooted in the Word. Instead of sulking, I take the time granted to me to really get to know the indescribable character of the Lord. To trust in Him and to remember that He has my best interest at heart. Also to remember and keep in mind, that sometimes instant satisfaction is the opposite of what we really need.