His Little Whispers

As this Summer rolls in and the days pass, (as incredibly thrilled as that makes me) I feel cornered more and more by the craziness of all things around me- simply by change in particular. It's so difficult sometimes to really grasp all that is happening at once, most of the time because we are not meant to. I can literally generate a small knot in my stomach by the simple thought of relaxation. All that there is to prepare for and all that there is to do, are ideas that consistently run through my mind. The Lord, being the gracious and sweet God that He is, will rarely make a scene. Sometimes we will hear Him whispering to us- so kindly and patiently, however we choose to ignore it. It usually takes discipline for us to put our flesh to rest, and to heed to the voice of the Holy Spirit. To rest in Him is something that He desires so much for us. He cant force us to trust Him, to lay everything at His feet and put full faith in Him that He will give us the grace, strength and courage we need for each day. What He will do is remind us- through His word and through His sweet whispers, to take a breather, rest in Him and to enjoy the simple little mercies He provides for us each and every day. Today, my "cloud 9" was the sound of one thousand beautiful bird songs, some vitamin D and these stunning pink roses that I spent some much needed time shooting. I hope you can live vicariously through these photos and enjoy them as much as I did today!

How Much Longer?

I used to be the person who was able to sleep until noon- no problem. Over the past year and most especially in the last several months, I cannot seem to sleep in past 7:30 or 8:00. I can't say I'm hating it! That being said, I woke up this morning around 7:30 for good. So I grabbed my computer, a cup of coffee to get my brain started, and began typing! As a result, here is something that's been on my heart for a little while.

Lately, I've been in conversation with young women whose sole desire is to be married. It's their goal, their heart, their focus and one desire. I begin to feel as though they believe that every problem will simply vanish the moment they say "I do." I wish I couldn't relate to this, but for an amount of time, I could totally wrap my head around this. Having four sisters is seriously a dream! It's like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants on steroids. Meeting all different types of "significant others" along the way was not my favorite, (my family says I'm the cruelest judge) but eventually they all lucked out. One thing that I was not expecting was for 3 out of 4 of them to be married (or right around the corner from it) at such a young age. Over time, I've simply realized that age matters very little when it comes to that special covenant with the Lord.

I was talking with my sister a couple days ago, when she brought up a traumatizing statistic. "There is a 60% divorce rate at Wheaton College" she said. I could not believe my ears. A very nice, small, Christian college had that high of a divorce rate? Reasons why began flooding my mind, but the one that stuck out the most was pressure. The pressure to be this perfect little desirable young lady who feels pressure to find a boyfriend who then feels pressure to make HIM feel pressured to feel pressured to propose, obviously there is pressure to get married, pressure to STAY perfect, with which comes the pressure to make it work- and it doesn't. Why are we so wrapped up in those around us?! Do we want to be a statistic or do we want a thriving, strong, unique relationship that stands as an example for those couples around us? It may take some more time, it may not. Either way, why must we be in a rush?

I was talking to my dad a few months ago. He asked me how I was feeling about everything regarding my younger sister who is about to be getting married. I don't think he was really prepared for my answer, but it started with "totally fine, I'm so happy for them" and somehow ended with "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?" I couldn't understand why everything around me was happening so fast with marriages, proposals, dating, there was this subconscious pressure that I felt. Is something wrong with me? Do I need to find someone and get married? What if I don't? Will I have to settle? Thankfully, shortly after my conversation with him, that pressure began to fade away. He told me to enjoy this time, to take things slow! He told me that this time is precious and that all I needed to do was focus on myself and the Lord, and He would take care of the rest. Hearing this- it was a breath of fresh air.

This world puts so much pressure on us in way too many areas. What to wear, what to eat, how to talk, what to buy, when to get married, when to have sex- we can't buy into it anymore. We as individuals have too much to learn! We need to be taking this time to prepare for marriage while living the life that the Lord has set out for us. We can't sit around anymore waiting for our perfect spouse to come and rescue us- our lives are too precious. The idea that marriage solves everything and our lives begin after we walk down the aisle is a lie that satan has fed young people for too long. Before handpicking the perfect soulmate on your own, let the Lord do it for you. It will be so much more rewarding and simply easy! That's how it should be! It shouldn't consume your life, it should be enjoyable, natural and God glorifying. Slow and steady wins the race, and I believe this wholeheartedly. Don't be in such a rush because of whatever idea that you have about marriage. Marriage is simply a word. It's the work behind it that makes it such a beautiful thing.

So hold your horses, get to know who you are as a person before you decide to throw yourself into someone else's arms. Know your buttons, the things you need to work on, know your weaknesses, and grow your intimacy with the Lord! When two individuals are running towards the cross, it is inevitable that you will end up running along side of each other, both headed towards Christ. That is how you want it to happen! Take this time to prepare! Become the man or woman that the Lord has created you to be. He knows the desires of your heart, and will indeed fulfill those. So take your time, because the end result will by FAR exceed the wait.

The Power of Prayer

As I sit here quietly, looking out at the rainy and windy weather with my plastic cup of coffee purchased at a gas station, I can't help but think about all of last week and the few things that stuck out to me and sort of sum it up. Something along the lines of fear, hurt and distrust. It sounds a little dramatic, but for some reason I can't help but be honest with myself and say that those words are the best words to describe how I've felt.

Moving to Dallas is an opportunity for me around this upcoming September. My parents, two younger siblings and a couple other siblings are packing up and heading there this Summer with much to look forward to. However, as thrilled as I am for them, I cannot say that I am in the same position. I don't have something super exciting waiting for me. I haven't felt a push from the Lord yet to go nor stay, and I've let satan make me feel as though everything wonderful was happening to my parents, brothers and sisters and somehow the Lord was forgetting about me. Nothing happening, nothing too exciting, a lot of potentials, but nothing set in stone. I've felt confused, forgotten and hurt. Change is something I've always sort of disliked. Highly. It's scary to have no idea what is next. Not knowing what's happening with this situation over here, that situation over there, nothing really concrete going on, it's terrifying. I was frightened and sort of felt like I was put on the back burner, along with all of the crazy feels of change. It didn't feel good- to say the least.

Do you ever have one of those days, or even weeks where you just cannot understand how or why you are so emotional? I consider myself a pretty sensitive person. Emotional? Not so much. If anything, I can't stand when people see me cry! However for some reason, I just couldn't seem to push that little ball of tears back down my throat. It was just everything... coming home, making some tea and tearing up at the table, or waking up and having a quiet time that continually seemed to end with my face in my hands, or watching Parenthood by myself and seriously bawling towards the television! It wasn't until yesterday morning when I began trying to figure out what these (not very good) feelings were, and where they were coming from. I went to church, and during the entire worship portion of the service, I couldn't even open my mouth to sing without crying. I felt it in my spirit, but couldn't utter the words towards the Lord. That's when I began to realize where I was at, and how badly I needed prayer. Sometimes we're able to completely explain to God what is going on with us. Other times, you can't even move your lips to explain why you feel the way you do- if you even understand yourself.

The words "You will never leave me" or "You are right by my side" were lyrics that I just couldn't find the strength to sing. Why? Because I didn't FEEL them. Those words and lyrics of truth were just so hard to even think of, given the fact that I felt so forgotten. I couldn't find it in me to sing and to pray, telling the Lord what I felt or wanted. Thats when I asked my sister if she would pray for me before her and her boyfriend left my house last night.

Before they left, we sat on my bed and sort of offered up our prayer requests. I listened to what was going on in her life, her fears and her excitements, setbacks and worries. I listened to her boyfriend Matthew as he discussed the different anxieties going on in his life and the fearful thoughts running through his mind, and as it came to be my turn, they listened. I didn't tell them what to pray for, because honestly- I had not a clue. I simply expressed my hurts and fears with them. What I felt in my heart and what I thought in my mind. And as I sat there discouraged and in hurtful tears, they graciously and encouragingly lifted me up. Not with opinions but with truths. They reminded me of the things that I knew in my heart to be true about how much the Lord has in store for my life, and the amazing thoughts He has towards me. That He hasn't forgotten me one bit. Before we even bowed our heads, the love I felt inside and the truths that I had neglected for some time was re-instilled in my mind and my heart. It was beautiful.

Something happened while praying for each other. A certain strength, peace and love was flowing within us. Throughout all of the anxieties, fears and hurts, the Lord is so, so good. He is with us, and working through us in this time of vulnerability and confusion. The power of prayer gave me the strength to move forward with a better mindset and attitude for this week. Granted, there are certain fears that I am going to have to continuously work through. It'll be a journey of growth and learning, but I'm willing and excited. I'm excited to trust, to learn and to grow more intimate with Him. I'm ready to let go of the things that I feel, and replace them with the truth inside of the Word that I know in my heart, and I'm thankful that I have loving people who may remind me of that in the mean time.

Keep Pushing

It happens to everyone. There comes a point where our work, school responsibilities and relationships catch up with us, and we become so bogged down by it all. Our priorities lose order, we quit praying, our bibles become dusty and for some reason we know what to do, but nothing changes.

It can be very difficult sometimes to push through, or to find the strength to do so. We get caught up in our own self-pity and remain stuck until it literally becomes so draining and heavy that we have no idea how we got there, and what to do to get out of it. This mindset of passiveness is very dangerous. We begin to seek other things instead of seeking the Lord, and we start running away from the healthy and beneficial things that we need, which will ultimately bring us peace, strength and joy.

There are a few ways that the Lord helps us to push through. Putting these things to action can be the hard part, but I promise you- it's Satan drilling that feeling into your mind. All we have to do is take one step forward, and we'll see it wasn't so bad after all. We don't have to do it on our own! The Lord is doing it for us, and all we have to do is trust Him.

1. Accountability
Surround yourself with people who will encourage you and lovingly call you out when you begin going through the motions or coasting. There's something so freeing, strengthening and encouraging about sharing our burdens with people that we can confide in, pray with or simply vent to. Whatever it may be, those people in your life are to cherish. Allow yourself to become vulnerable, and use those prayer warriors and encouragers to walk with you through times like those. The Lord has them in your life for a reason and it's so beautiful to see what can grow from transparency.

2. Taking Every Though Captive
It's so easy to allow ourselves to become a victim during these trying times. Our perspectives can become so easily changed by simply a verse, an encouraging word, or even the literal act of intentionally taking a negative though or feeling and turning it around, making it pleasing to you and the Lord. Don't let Satan fill your mind with all of these discouraging and helpless thoughts. We have the mind of Christ, and we can do all things through Him.

3. He Sees You
One of the most common feelings is that we are doing it alone! We are totally not, and its so difficult to see that when we are in the middle of it all. We so often forget the blessings that the await us on the other side of these funks. God is right with us, holding our hands and acknowledging every step that we take, either forward or backwards. The best part is, is that He isn't condemning us! He is encouraging us, helping us and loving us through every little moment. Weather we are going strong or we are in these terrible ruts in our lives, He never leaves nor forsakes us. He sees our hurts, cares and hard work and cares for them so deeply.

The next time you are sinking in quick sand and feel as though you are helpless, remember these truths. You may be going through one of those times right now! Whatever and whenever it may be, recognize and remember these 3 simple things, and our journey to growing closer to Christ and moving forward as a stronger and bolder believer will begin. You can do it!

Give it to Him

"Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power." Ephesians 6:10

Where to BEGIN!? I almost have no idea. However, I do know that this morning was a big one. A morning of freedom, realization, pain and excitement! A lot of feels for one morning, but believe it. When I was in High School, I was in my parent's room and my dad told me to stand on the very edge of this floral rug that they had on the ground in front of their television. As I stood there confused, he told me to then lean far in front of me while keeping my feet on the edge. As far as I could go without letting myself fall. He then proceeded to tell me that that was where I was. That I am on the edge of something amazing! I'm so close to being in a good state, a peaceful and powerful place in my relationship with the Lord, but something is holding me back and I'm letting it. That's exactly how I've felt in these past several months.

Have you ever held onto something that you feel the Holy Spirit telling you to let go of? Are you currently rather? Bitterness towards a sister, a lingering relationship with a significant other, hurt from a friend doing you wrong, fear of something that should be in the Lord's hands? Whatever it is, I'm with you. For a long time, I've felt like I could't fully and 100% give every ounce of me to the Lord. And I had no idea what it was! I seriously would wake up and not have peace, and not understand as to why I couldn't just sit and rest in the presence of God without going back and seeing if there is any sin that hash't been dealt with, or trying to figure out where I let satan get a foothold. I got tired of it- and did nothing about it. Needless to say, fear took over. I wanted so desperately to just give EVERYTHING of myself to the Lord, but the Holy Spirit was telling me to let go of something, and slowly but surely after shoving that particular thing to the back of my mind in hopes that our God would potentially you know- just forget about it like I wanted to, after intentionally becoming so distant from that very thing that I had to pray and ask the Lord what it was, fully knowing the answer however not wanting to accept it, after such a long time without full satisfaction, I allowed myself to realize. And BOY was it difficult. I kept thinking "what if I let this go and You don't replace the pain with something else?" In other words, "What if I have to hurt?" 

For some reason, this very question, "what if I have to hurt" kept me from peace, joy, fulfillment and freedom for quite some time. We are so afraid of hurt, when this is the very thing the Lord tries to prepare us for in His word. We will experience pain, for His glory alone! My fear and distrust in the Lord led me to hold on to these things things and these feelings that the Lord wanted to replace for such a long time! I felt Him daily trying to reassure me and push me towards letting it go, but I didn't have the strength on my own. And it was this morning I realized that without Him, I cannot do one darn thing. Without Him, I have not only a little bit of strength, but no strength at all. He asked of me something, and I was right. I couldn't do it on my own even if I was willing! But He didn't ask me so He could see if I would be able to do it by myself, He asked me because He knew what I was missing out on, He wanted better for me emotionally and spiritually, and it was going to be ALL HIM. All I had to do was let Him. Don't get me wrong, we're going to have to do some work too. With the strength that He provides in us, His mind, His power and heart, we are going to have to actively trust, allow do what He is asking of us. But by His power alone will we do it. 

I wanted peace. For months, I went back to everything I knew in the bible about trusting God and Him comforting me and all of the "feel good" chapters like Psalms, Corinthians, Ephesians & John. For the longest time I meditated on those genre of verses just to ignite the Lord's strength inside of me to be able to come to terms with the very thing I had not wanted to. I was scared, I didn't want to let go of what He so badly wanted me to, and I was giving power to the evil one who wanted me to hold on for as long as possible, only to get further and further from where the Lord had me going. That is always his goal. Always.With all of that being said, this morning I took the active step towards letting. it. go. And I finally did! No, I'm not 5 months in, I don't have all of the answers when it comes to what happens afterwards. However, I'm guessing that along with a tiny bit of hurt, or even a lot of hurt, I will experience what the Lord has been waiting to give me for such a long time. I will rest in peace in His presence, I will begin to see the small things again and appreciate them with every ounce of being in me. I will be able to give myself the opportunity to TRUST and to desire, and know that the Lord has my perfect plan in mind. I can focus on Him completely, awaiting the next trial that He has for me. This one was so not fun. Seriously, when are they? But I know that I have hit a strength level that I never knew I would be able to reach. I have a new passion and desire to strive to look like Him in everything I do, knowing I will come short and ready to accept His grace that is brand new every single morning. I want what He has, not what He has and a little bit of what I want, but all that He has for me- hurt, pain, trials and all. It so worth it. 

All in all, please. I beg of you- begin actively taking steps towards letting go of what you feel the Spirit inside of you is telling you to let go of. Weather you know the reasoning or not, allow Him to show you so you can trust Him that much more! If He always told us why, we would have no story! No reason to trust Him! Let Him help you. He is holding your hand and telling you that you can do it. I promise you that you can. So please, for the sake of you and more importantly Him, hand it up to Him, and the peace that surpasses your understanding will guard your heart and your mind through Him. He promises it!
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Who Are You?

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”  2 Corinthians 5:17

As last year came to a close, I thought long and hard about this very day. The beginning of a new year. The things I want to improve on, projects I need to begin, certain things I need to close the door on, millions of so called "resolutions" floating in my mind. However, one really stood out and seemed to sort of trump all of my other aspirations and wants for this year of 2014. 

I remember the day I realized that in this life, it has absolutely nothing to do with what you look on the outside, but who you are on the inside. A very simple lesson for some, but to me this was mind blowing. I had to work on my character? My morals? My attitude, mindset and heart? I kind of hated this new revelation. Fast forward almost 3 years, and to this day, it is what's most constantly on mind. Who am I? What kind of woman do I want to be seen as? When people talk about me, what would I want them to say? Am I the best I can be? How do I come across as a person, better yet- how well am I representing the Lord? 

If people are not drawn to me because of the Lord and how on fire I am for Him, it's either one of two things. Either they are not paying attention to me enough to notice, or I need to check myself and re-evaluate what I bring to the table. It's so important to really think about and discover who you are, and better yet who you really want to be. I think that's one of the most difficult things to do in this life. However, it is so necessary and so worth it. Going into this New Year, my relationship with the Lord needs to stand on a much higher pedestal. I need to evaluate and eliminate any actions, habits or lack there of that do not glorify Him, or push me towards the young woman I was created to be. Words like discipline, patience and trust really need to come into play. Not just as words, but as actions, as conscious efforts. The more I focus on these things, everything else will fall into place. 

Weather it be going to the Word before you go to people, speaking nonsense instead of letting the Lord guide your conversation, tapping more into the Holy Spirit and being courageous enough to step into a deeper and newer understanding of things you have shied away from in the bible, beginning every day with the Word of God, or with prayer, whatever it may be. To begin this year, take a minute to really think about who you are and where you're at, compared to where and who you want to be- the person that the Lord has called you to be, because it is so much more. Take those steps towards working on whatever it is that does not reflect Him in the most glorifying manor. When people talk to me, when people look at me, when people are around me, I want them to see one thing and one thing only- and that is Him. We are solely here for Him, and once we begin down that road of trying to understand that more and more, we will become better examples and really experience the blessing of being who the Lord has created us to be.

Going into this New Year, take it one step at a time. With Him and for Him, little by little, lets become those people.

A Shrinking Circle

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

Lately, I've been in this sort of deep thinking daze. To the point where it's actually a struggle having to constantly remind myself to be present in a busy and "people filled" setting. It's been a wonderful blessing being able to come home to Minnesota and get away from the usual city of Chicago, photography/art projects and work schedule. Plus, its always a bonus not having to pay for a lovely cup of coffee every morning. Although I'm trying to cut back, because I whole-heartedly believe I've become an extreme addict. Anyways, within the last couple of months I've been blessed with the opportunity to realize something. That my "circle" is getting smaller. 

At first, this was something that was not okay with me. I went from thinking having tons of shallow relationships was the way to go, to being able to count my friends on two fingers. My dad always told me growing up to be careful who I chose to befriend, and the smaller amount of friends I had was probably the better. "You're extremely lucky if you even find one" he always said. Of course I thought to myself, "Well, I must be pretty dang lucky… or maybe just really cool... cause I have all of these wonderful friends!" Then, a few years pass, they change, I change, and not one of those people do who I talk to, or even know. I continue evaluating the few relationships that I have now, and am amazed at how right the wise people that had counseled me over the years were. 

Sometimes you find yourself working so hard to make certain relationships work, when sometimes like my mother told me a couple days ago, "The best thing you can do is give the gift of goodbye". You may be heading in a different direction, down a different path, and you can't let the desire for the comfit of a big circle hold you back. We find ourself combative, fighting for these friendships that have run their course. We think, "Wait, I don't have that big of a circle, what weddings will I be invited to? What fun little get togethers am I going to be apart of if I only have one or two ACTUAL friends?" Or maybe that's just my crazy thought process. Either way, this is a problem. This world is so persistent on throwing at us the message of how important it is to have your group of gossip girls, fun little cocktail nights spent talking about this and that & him and her. And honestly sometimes a big group of friends is not promoted as a bad thing, nor am I saying it is one bit! What I am saying is that finding our security in a "big circle" and not being able to realize that letting go of certain relationships that are unhealthy, or whose season may be over, is an issue that may need some tending to.

I've come to the realization that my circle is small, and will continue getting smaller the more that I step into the young woman that the Lord is calling me to be. Very few people are headed down the course that He has mapped out for us. It is a very narrow road, a very specific calling that each and every one of us are capable of receiving. However, very very few are going to take it. When you choose to live your life in a certain manor that will look very different from those around you, when you walk very close to Him and remain in His will, you're going to lose people. It's just going to happen. People will not always understand, and when you are blessed in this life or the next, maybe they will. However, maybe they wont. And that's okay! It's not an easy path all of the time, but it is absolutely a rewarding one. He WANTS to bless us, and although it looks like such a narrow and difficult road to continue down, there is no better one out there. If your circle is getting smaller and a little bit of fear and insecurity comes with that, embrace it! Keep it up. You will be blessed and you should be proud. If your circle needs to become smaller, let it be. Make those tough decisions and have those difficult conversations. The closer you get to the top, the further you climb up the latter, the less you can take along with you. 

It is going to be lonely sometimes, it may even be lonely for seasons at a time. He sees it, He understands and He is constantly with us, encouraging us and just WAITING to bless us immensely. So don't be afraid of small circles, don't be afraid of being hungry for deeper relationship and intimacy with the Lord. You have the tools to make it happen, and He will be right there with you through the tough, difficult, fearful and lonely times so you may be able to experience the abundant life that He has for you, and that only few get to experience. So keep it up, and push on. Embrace your tiny circle, and if need be, eliminate to create one.