This topic has interested me for a while, and after reading few books on the issue, I've come to realize a few things. 1. How powerful we as young women are when it comes to guarding the hearts of our brothers in Christ. 2. There is always an underlying issue as to why we may feel the need to "dress to attract" in order to feel attractive. 3. MEN'S SPIRITS DO NOT WANT IT. Yes, their flesh may be LOVING it, but their spirits are indeed disturbed. I used to look in the mirror and find myself dressing for certain people. Different kinds of people. This also meant, many different phases of not so cute... but hey, I think I took all the crap that was rightfully deserved after walking out of the house with a flat billed hat, a ripped up wife beater, my huge brothers old, baggy & multi colored jeans, and some pink high top Chuck Taylors. That particular friend group I yearned to please? I have absolutely no idea. But before I get off track, I was always trying to look attractive to a certain people in some way or another. Which is not bad whatsoever, though when we are trying to bring attention to ourselves somehow, this is where it becomes a problem.
We are all familiar with the common term "vanity", but we rarely discuss the issues of causing others to stumble. Men are visual creatures, period. We ought to always be cautious of NOT desiring the attraction from men that causes them to stumble, simply out of love. Rarely do we think about respect as a means to other women's husbands, boyfriends, or most importantly the Lord's growing men. We are told in 1 Corintheans 8:13 "Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall." Weather we like it or not, we as believers are called to not only look out for ourselves and our own issues and concerns, but for others as well. That means that if I am wearing a semi low cut shirt that was considered acceptably modest, and one young man is having an issue with it, it does not become sin until you are notified by him, and become aware of the fact that it is causing him to stumble. At this point, if you do not do something about it, this is indeed sin. The best way personally to go about KNOWING you are in the safe zone, is simply being above reproach. We as young women hold the key when it comes to this whole visual/modesty thing. We have more power than we think. Though when it comes down to it, it is our husbands ONLY, that deserve to see you in your skin alone. Our body's are not our own to flaunt around and show off. If this is our mindset towards dressing, this is when it becomes a heart issue.
When I used to look in the mirror and decide what to wear, the attention it would bring to me and my body was a huge factor. Why? Many reasons. To name a few, I was extremely insecure. Therefore, hearing uplifting, fleshly compliments would always seem to satisfy temporarily and boost my confidence. I also struggled with pride and vanity. I was easily intimidated due to my insecurity, so if I could be best dressed and my body & looks would be able to please the men around me, I was doing something right... WRONG! This was a total wrong mindset. A destructive one. It took much time for me to realize my worth, my importance and all this did was create this false so called truth in my mind that all I had to me was my outer appearance. I still to this day am a firm believer of young women coming to terms with how valuable they are as young ladies in Christ. Your body is a temple of the Lord that is only to be "shown off" with the lucky man you end up spending the rest of your short life with! No man deserves an ounce of your flawless skin. This was a mindset that took years to develop, but I have to say if there was one thing I wish all women could understand/exercise , this would be it.
To wrap this up, I believe it is so important to know that it is our duty as young women, our job to encourage and respect the young men of God, instead of making it THAT much more difficult that it clearly already is in this day and age. If he is in Christ, there is a tug and pull for his spirit. It is vital that we do everything we can to keep their eyes on Christ, rather than on our belly button rings, cleavage & butt cracks. Just like we have many struggles and desire to stay focused, we need to respect the desire of men to grow fervent in their relationship with the Lord and do as little as possible to detour that. In my opinion, there is no "How to" guide to dress modestly. All I can say is that a bandeau and some cheetah print, see through leggings may not be your besssssttt bet. When it comes down to it, it honestly depends. I've had young men who have said that tank tops under shirts draw attention to your chest, leggings & yoga pants are a big one, visible bra straps, Nike tempos, it all depends who you are around. Like I said, just be aware. Take the above reproach route and it will serve you well. Pray and ask the Lord for wisdom and He will surely bless you in that, but surely if you struggle with desiring attention from men, or even people in general. Pray and ask the Lord to reveal to you your worth. Meditate on verses and really come to terms with how valuable you are in Christ. Remember that we are not our own! We have a job and responsibility as believers to look out for the hearts of others. Let's do so and start with good ol' modesty!
