Who am I Trying to Please?

So, recently in many different areas, I have been really struggling with is people pleasing. Also known as the approval of man or fear of man. I've actually surprised myself lately with how often I am concerned with what people will think of me. Weather it be my family, people I have been affiliated with in the past, my very close friends or even people I don't know at all! In some way, I find myself frequently worrying myself or concerning myself with the way other people see me. When you really think about it, there is so much pressure that goes along with pleasing people. How exhausting is it to have to uphold all of these different people's views of you?! There are so many different areas in which I struggle with this sin. Yes, sin. 

Before I explain, let me give you a couple of referenaces that may be able to help you understand as to why the approval of man is completely wrong. Galations 1:10 "Am I now trying to win the approval of man or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." This verse is a difficult one to really grasp and take in. It's sort of like trying to worship two Gods. You just can't! It isn't possible. If you are trying to win the approval of man, then there is no way you are trying to please God as well. It's humanly impossible. However, why must we not desire the approval of man? Because like the Word touches on multiple times, such as in Matthew 10:28 it says "Do not fear those who can kill the body but cannot kill the soul, but rather fear the one who can destroy both body and soul in hell." This sounds a little harsh, but either way my point is that what can mere man do?! We desire so badly to please the very people whose opinion matters none! When we find our security and our confidence in other people, we will fail. Desiring to please people will take such a toll on the way that you act, think, dress, talk, practically live! It is such a trap and it simply deteriorates us.  

When we are under the approval of man, we are being run by them. They are in control in essence of what we so "choose" to do. No longer are we under the control of the Lord, but we allow our lives to be in control of those around us, whose opinions at the end of the day mean absolutely nothing. It is one of the hardest things for me to do in all honestly. I am viewed strongly by many people as someone who doesn't mind what people think about me, and in all honesty at times the Lord grants me that strength but in other times like lately, that couldn't be further from the truth. For example, having 5 girls in the family is a PARTY to say the least. However at the same time, along with that comes much comparing, jealously and judgment. I allow myself to get into my head, and as a result end up stressing myself out rather than simply enjoying my siblings company. So many times I find myself trying to prove something to them. You would think that because of the fact that they're family, that you wouldn't have to prove a thing, but instead family is probably the hardest place to start. They know you. They know your triggers, weaknesses, failures, your rawness, they know it all. To try to prove to your family something different than what they have seen for the majority of your life is one of the most difficult things to do, as well as a waste of time. Yes. A complete and total, not to mention foolish waste of time. 

I can sometimes catch myself wanting so badly to paint a picture of myself containing no faults, no mess-ups, no areas of failure or uncertainty, just perfection. When I do this, I completely take away my sole purpose for surviving on this earth, and that is to extend His kingdom. When I indulge myself on pleasing the people around me, I am drawing no one to Christ, but to myself. In turn, I become so weary for absolutely no reason. I exhaust myself, and only end up feeling terrible about me as a person. My body, my talents, my skin, my style, my intelligence, and not just to my family but to all. Feeling as though you need to talk or at a certain way for a young man to even give you a second look, to have to over-spiritualize something to gain a certain amount of respect from a friend, to focus hours on what you're planning to wear the next day to prove to Lord knows who, that you know what you're doing when it comes to style. Everything becomes so self centered when we focus so much on what others around us are thinking. 

As believers, we need to get to a point where we stop worrying about what he or she thinks, but solely what the Lord thinks. We need to train and transform our minds to be only focused on what God thinks about us, about our hearts, to forget about proving something to everyone else, to let go of the way you feel you are perceived, and let the Lord begin to do a work in your life to the point where it becomes inevitable that something about you is different, and in turn bring glory to HIM instead of ourselves. If we do this thing biblically, it all makes perfect sense. If we are focused on what the Lord thinks of us, we then begin to know our worth. We don't have to prove anything to anyone because we become so secure in Him and what He thinks of us, how worthy we are and pleasing we are to Him, that we are finally able to release any insecurity dealing with our piers and what they may have to say. Because at the end of the day, none of that matters. 

None of what other people think about you is important. The Lord will begin to change you, which in turn will change other people's minds and perceptions of you. Let Him do the work because He can handle it. There is no way we're able to keep up with reaching all of these different people's expectations. We're going to mess up! We're going to fail, and instead of stressing yourself out about what he or she thinks, begin to train your mind to forget about what everyone thinks, and focus on serving, trusting and pleasing the only one who's opinion matters. You are so capable! I'm not saying it's an easy thing to do, and if you struggle with people pleasing like I did for many years, and time to time still do, it's no easy fix. However, the Lord desires nothing more than you. Your efforts and your best. No one else deserves that. I promise if you begin to put down the fear of man and work on your fear of God, then the change that you wouldn't have ever been able to do in your own power and efforts alone, will begin to take place. Let's do this!

Stop, Drop & Lay

I apologize in advanced if this post is in any way difficult to follow! It took a while for me to gather all of my thoughts and emotions to create a blog post. However, here we go! This past week I was able to prep my house for an overflow of company, interview for, and luckily land a job as well as finishing my last semester of school for this year. God is good. As this lovely family and fun filled weekend comes to a close, I've definitely gotten the opportunity to recognize a few things. It's always great for me to see what things I need to work on. Living by myself, I get plenty of time to see what I love to do, what I don't love to do, my strengths, weaknesses and struggles. When you're by yourself, you'll always end up doing what you want to do. You'll listen to what you want to listen to, watch what you desire to watch, you get a little bit of time to figure out who you are in the company of only yourself. Over this past year, I've gotten to learn a bit about me. One of the things I've gotten the opportunity to learn was how important intentional time with the Lord is rather than simply, "time." 

As exciting and wonderful as it always is to have family here, I definitely recognized how easily stressed out and overwhelmed I became due to the comfortability of being on my own for so long. There are not many things I love more than getting to host a bunch of family. However, it was so easy for me to fall back into a little "funk."I quickly realized how little I had been in the Word in the midst of my busy week and how quickly and easily it affected my attitude, mindset and heart. Instead of my focus remaining on Him, I could see myself more and more being dragged into a focus of comparison, stress and frustration. 

It was the morning that my sister had driven to Einstein Bagels, only to realize that she had forgotten the money at home. Therefore she called, and as I grudgingly drove to hand over her wallet, the Lord immediately convicted me of my attitude. Not only in that moment, but throughout the entire weekend. Things such as my quick temper, lack of patience and selfishness had come to mind, and I very clearly felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to pull myself together. He had then graciously planted a lovely idea into my mind. On my way back from Einsteins, I was desperate to stop and spend any amount of time with Him that I could. I had come to the end of my rope, and needed to do something about it. Thankfully, the absolutely beautiful lookout over the lake right across from my house, was finally put to good use. I parked my car and put on some good worship music and sat in silence, asking the Lord to forgive my neglect towards Him, and my heart towards other things. It was the biggest breath of fresh air. 

In my relationship with Him, there is a huge difference between time with Him, and intentional time with Him. The standard and mundane routine runs it's course after a while, and I very quickly feel myself becoming spiritually thirsty for something more. Sometimes, something different. My divine intervention with the Lord that morning allowed me to realize something very important. Something that I need to remind myself of daily. The fact that I so desperately and more than anything else, need the Lord. In every way, during every single minute of my day, no matter what. The no matter what part it sort of the most difficult to really carry out, though it is very possible. I felt as though because things were going alright, I could put Him in the back seat. Little did I know that what was left as a result of that, was a bad attitude and an unwilling spirit.

Learning to become more and more disciplined with my intentional time with the Lord with all of the time that I have, has been such a wonderful experience, as well as a learning struggle. It breaks my heart to think how easily I can put my relationship with him in the back seat. Even unknowingly sometimes! However, I am loving every bit of revelation and growth that I get to experience on this journey to figuring it out. All in all, this weekend was obviously incredible. The joy and love that resinates in the room while family is here is absolutely undeniable. I just cant express to you how crucial it is for us to never let satan carry out his plans, which always include pulling us away in spirit from the peace that we experience when our minds are fully focused on Him. Don't be afraid to lie in His presence alone. To drive by yourself to that beautiful look out and just vent to Him, to sit on the swinging chair on the porch and talk with Him, or simply get in the shower and sing to Him. Don't allow your fear, laziness or stress get in the way of that. He is listening and He is in love with you. Every little ounce of intentional time that you set apart, every spontaneous moment that belong to glorifying Him, He absolutely adores. 

As much as it is a blessing and a joy to sit at the feet of God, it is also a necessity- our daily bread. We cannot extend joy if we do not have it. We cannot extend peace, nor love, nor patience, nor any good thing, if we have not been supplying it and receiving it from the one who freely gives it. Do not be hesitant to stop, drop and lay at His feet. It's absolutely a win, win. As for me? I'll be cleaning up the remains as a result of the Singletary clan crashing at my place. It's time to rejuvenate and of course as I've been mentioning, get a much needed and lovely fix of my Lord to end a start the week. If your lack of patience, your confusion, fear, anxiety, stress and frustration seem to be creeping on in, simply remember to run to Him. The one who comforts, gives rest, the one who can be trusted, who loves you more than you will ever understand, and the one who absolutely adores spending time with the raw, broken and weary you. Stop letting whatever it is get in the way, and begin or continue chasing after what your mind, body and spirit need the most.