Do you ever hop into bed at night and think to yourself "I'm doing a terrible job at everything"? Well, I do. Pretty much every night. I always struggle between two planes of "I'm not doing nearly enough, I need to take on more" and "I'm doing way too much, I seriously can't take on one more thing". Why do we do this to ourselves?! This "perfect" and "for every woman" lifestyle that we all think is out there doesn't exist! Those perfect and pretty moms who are literally holding a baby in one hand and a dumbbell in another, or that student who somehow manages to look like a goddess every morning while leading a study group and a Christian book club, or for me, that photographer who has her whole life together, is booked for the next 478 weekends, who has a perfect Instagram, perfectly wanded hair at all times, and somehow balances being a wife, business owner and still has the time to go to the gym. Like, is that even real?! What are YOU drinking every morning? Cause my cup of Einsteins butter toffee black coffee ain't cutting it anymore!
For some reason, we look at all of the powerful lives around us, and think to ourselves that everyone EXCEPT us is nailing it. Like, we need to hop on the success train or something. Well, slowly but surely I am realizing that no one really is killing it. Seriously! No one. We have the opportunity to literally see maybe .05% of the "real" in peoples' lives. Especially the people we are drooling over! We get to see the perfect relationship pictures, the homemade apple pie with that stupid criss cross crust that turns into ash every time I try to make it, and utter success in the mom/business/everything world. Side note: can I tell you that Seth LOATHES taking photos with me? With anyone? In life in general? I'm a photographer. How this is going to work? No clue. We're getting there (at least thats what I continue to whisper to myself every time I get the stink eye for whipping out my camera). Either way, any "cute" picture of us you see usually involves a little bit of struggle before hand. So, next time you see one, really take it in. Either way, this is why GRACE is what it's all about! We weren't intended to have it all together, so why are we constantly disappointed in ourselves when we don't?
We need to stop selling ourselves short. We need to give ourselves a lot more credit! I'm finishing up school, I am a photographer who constantly deals with client emails, editing, and problem solving, I am a designer, a consultant for a skin company, an artist, a blogger, I am in a committed long distance relationship, I am a sister to 6, a friend to many, a mentor to few, and on top of that have to maintain an abundant relationship with Jesus Christ, and I'm finding myself disappointed at the end of the day?! No more. Please, no more. We have to stop looking at everyone else, and start praising ourselves. We are hard working, care taking, godly women who deserve to know our worth. We seriously cannot do it all, and we have to stop believing we can. No one can! We need help, and it's all around us. The best thing that we can do for ourselves as well as for others is to be real. Real with who we are while we're looking in the mirror, and real with who we are while engaging with others. Be a safe place for others to accept the crazy, instead of having everyone (including ourselves) think that we have to (as if it's even possible) have it all together.
I'm over being disappointed. What about you?
J
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
All About Grace
I remember when I first decided to follow the Lord. I always sort of catch a side eye from fellow believers because I can't quite mark the exact day, time, location, what I was wearing, or what color hair tie I was using at the time I accepted Jesus into my heart. All I knew was that it MUST have happened at some point, due to the fact that I rang the bell (a congratulatory symbol of asking Jesus into your heart at Kanakuk Camp) at least 30 times. For me, I prayed the prayer (probably one too many times), I was baptized, but it was more of a process for me. More of a learning and growing experience rather than me waking up feeling saved and living life like a "Christian".
I think nowadays, it's really easy to want to judge or come to our own conclusion on whether or not someone is ACTUALLY a believer. I hear sayings such as "Well, he says he is a believer...but... you know." or "She is a Christian, but not an actual like, deep Christian." or even "I mean, she is just spiritually immature so, I think she is one of "those" Christians that SAY they're a Christian but..." All of which I have been guilty of myself in some way shape or form. My point is, what do these even mean? Why does someone have to fit a certain bill in order to pass as a good enough believer to the point where there are no if, ands, or buts when they confess Jesus is Lord of their life?
Think back to the time when YOU first asked Jesus to be the ruler of your heart. Was it really an overnight change? If so, that's awesome! Yet for the other 99.9% of people who need to put in the work in order to see ounces of change at once, where is our grace? In all honesty, I'm sure I ruined many opportunities to plant seeds when I first became a believer, even turned people away! However, I was learning. I still lied, if I didn't cuss out loud, I did in my head, I said things that I absolutely regret, I was judgmental, gossipy, impure, and everything that would constitute as NOT a "real" Christian to most people's standards.
We need grace. People need grace. I STILL need grace. We always will. Christianity is not about whether or not someone cusses, or tells inappropriate jokes, or has not very well thought out tattoos, or purple colored hair, or dare I address bigger issues in the Christian community like adultery, theft, or sexual immorality! Since when are these "offenses" powerful enough to completely steal away ones faith? It is all the same to Him. Yes, we must look at the fruit, and fruit can speak volumes. However, do not look at one apple and assume the entire tree is bad. As a matter of fact, stop examining and judging all together! We must leave that up to the Lord. People grow, and the Lord reveals certain things to His beloved children in His own timing. Not ours.
Our jobs are to love. Love hopes and trusts in all things! Love doesn't take something that someone said, and examine every possible reason why it may or may not be true, and to what extent. Love conquers all, and with love comes grace. Grace is what it is all about. If we can begin to look at people like Jesus looks at them, this judgmental, gossipy and quick-to-assumption world would be entirely different. Lets come alongside of each other and remember that we all as a body of Christ are flawed, and saved only by HIS grace alone. This will change everything.
I think nowadays, it's really easy to want to judge or come to our own conclusion on whether or not someone is ACTUALLY a believer. I hear sayings such as "Well, he says he is a believer...but... you know." or "She is a Christian, but not an actual like, deep Christian." or even "I mean, she is just spiritually immature so, I think she is one of "those" Christians that SAY they're a Christian but..." All of which I have been guilty of myself in some way shape or form. My point is, what do these even mean? Why does someone have to fit a certain bill in order to pass as a good enough believer to the point where there are no if, ands, or buts when they confess Jesus is Lord of their life?
Think back to the time when YOU first asked Jesus to be the ruler of your heart. Was it really an overnight change? If so, that's awesome! Yet for the other 99.9% of people who need to put in the work in order to see ounces of change at once, where is our grace? In all honesty, I'm sure I ruined many opportunities to plant seeds when I first became a believer, even turned people away! However, I was learning. I still lied, if I didn't cuss out loud, I did in my head, I said things that I absolutely regret, I was judgmental, gossipy, impure, and everything that would constitute as NOT a "real" Christian to most people's standards.
We need grace. People need grace. I STILL need grace. We always will. Christianity is not about whether or not someone cusses, or tells inappropriate jokes, or has not very well thought out tattoos, or purple colored hair, or dare I address bigger issues in the Christian community like adultery, theft, or sexual immorality! Since when are these "offenses" powerful enough to completely steal away ones faith? It is all the same to Him. Yes, we must look at the fruit, and fruit can speak volumes. However, do not look at one apple and assume the entire tree is bad. As a matter of fact, stop examining and judging all together! We must leave that up to the Lord. People grow, and the Lord reveals certain things to His beloved children in His own timing. Not ours.
Our jobs are to love. Love hopes and trusts in all things! Love doesn't take something that someone said, and examine every possible reason why it may or may not be true, and to what extent. Love conquers all, and with love comes grace. Grace is what it is all about. If we can begin to look at people like Jesus looks at them, this judgmental, gossipy and quick-to-assumption world would be entirely different. Lets come alongside of each other and remember that we all as a body of Christ are flawed, and saved only by HIS grace alone. This will change everything.
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Striving for Realness
While there is nothing wrong with creating beautiful photos, I don't want people to come to my blog and lust after a life that I quite honestly do not have. I as a photographer have to find a balance between being real, and creating REAL, beautiful photos. I can still make a stunning photo without manipulating it's every subject to perfection. What I want is for people to come and to see that you are not the only one who ripped a hole in the butt crack of her (too tight) leggings because you had just put lotion on and you were pulling too hard. I want this to be a place of beauty, creativity and light, but I also want it to be a place of authenticity, vulnerability and realness. I want to share with you everything from what my quiet times with the Lord look like in the morning, to the office I am renovating in my aunt's home, to how to take successful photos on your iPhone. I'm looking forward to getting to share my life with you guys, and hope that you are too. I promise, I will try to make sure that my posts/pictures will always be pretty, but I assure you, they will not be perfect. They will reflect me and who I am as accurately and as genuinely as possible.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
I Am Considered
Goodness, I promise I am a firm believer in consistency. I know that in no way, shape or form does my blog reflect that belief, yet I swear I am- and as saddened as I am to admit it, I don't even have a good excuse. If I were to come up with one though, I think I would simply have to say "life". I've let it get away from me, and I am working little by little on many different things in order to get back in front of it, instead of 4 miles behind it. By the grace of God I'm getting there! I'm not quite sure what it is lately, but I've been inspired to share. I'm not one to think that I have the most interesting life nor much going on for that matter by ANY means, but I do know that for quite some time, the Lord has provided me with a strong desire in my heart and soul to be a relatable young woman. Open, honest, genuine and present. On top of my knack for writing, there's something so special that I love about setting aside intentional time to separate myself from the world, and to share what is going on in my mind, heart, and every day life with the people whom I truly care about. So, without further ado...
The other night I was talking to my boyfriend Seth, and I ended up asking him for a little bit of his perspective on what he thinks I should talk about in my next blog post. There were so many things that I felt like I could write about, and I was having such a difficult time honing in on what exactly I wanted to discuss. Naturally, we sort of veered off from my original question, and the next morning I was left with yet still no clue as to what I truly felt led to blog about. It's always just come to me. I sit down, I listen to the birds, I sip my coffee, and everything just always seems to flow. For some reason, I came to this one a little bit differently. Difficulty and intentionally, yet beautifully. This time, it came to me in tears. It came to me as I stood crouched over my bed with my fists clenched onto my sheets, with no words coming out of my mouth, but silent cries to the Lord while listening to "A Little Longer" by Jenn Johnson (the live version... trust me). It came to me in a moment where folding my laundry turned into a revelation, and it came to me when I was absolutely least expecting it.
For a while now, I have slowly began to feel somewhat forgotten, or rather, unconsidered. Like the Lord has sort of put me on the back burner while everyone else's lives seem to be coming together and going "their way" if you will. While I am over here simply trudging through the sludge, only to get to somewhere that I am not even certain of what will be. I know deep in my heart of hearts that He DOES care and that my feelings and emotions have overridden any biblical truth on the matter, but nevertheless, I've allowed myself to come to terms with this. My boyfriend lives in San Diego, so there isn't much need for explanation there. He does a wonderful job, but it's tough to balance two time zones, opposing schedules, busy jobs, and everything else that comes with a good ol' long distance relationship. Anyways, most of my siblings are living in Dallas, working together, hanging out together, making plans together, and as secure as I am in my relationships with them, I would be lying if I said that I don't experience extreme cases of FOMO (fear of missing out... I guess that's a thing now) every now and then. I'm also living with my aunt and am currently still on the lookout for a place to stay while her two children are back for the Summer, I have no idea what happens after graduation (where I will live, what I will do, and so on) and on top of that, my best friend is the busiest woman in the world. None of this is truly terrible, but I think after a while it begins to add up, and I've simply started wondering why/accepting the fact that things really haven't been going "my way" and will probably continue not to for a while.
I didn't realize it until yesterday afternoon while listening to that song on repeat, that slowly but surely I have let the evil one convince me that I am hardly a thought in anyone else's mind. Not even that I am undeserving, but that I am simply not even of consideration. That people are busy, the Lord is there but I've just got to deal with the given circumstances whether I like it or not, that I must find contentment in this feeling of insignificance, and my goodness I could not have accepted a bigger lie. The lyrics that triggered every fickle emotion in my being yesterday afternoon were these:
"You don't have to do a thing
Just simply be with me
and let those things go
'Cause they can wait another minute
Wait, this moment is too sweet
Would you please stay here here with me
And love on me a little longer
Cause I like to be with you a little longer
I love to be with you a little longer
Cause I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you"
I wasn't aware of how desperate I was to hear these words from someone. Not just any someone, but from Whom it meant the most. I am so desired, cherished, treasured, sought after, pursued, and prioritized. I am a child of the most high God, and even if I were not even a mere thought in anyone else's mind, I am His first and most treasured thought during every second of every day- He simply wants time with me. He wants me of all people to love on Him a little longer, and that simple yet powerful truth ravished my soul. As difficult as that is to remember at times, when this world and it's harsh ways so desperately desire to make nothing of us, remember with me... We have an ever powerful Father who is sustaining every breath of every little thing on this planet, and He considers us. He considers us above all else. Remember that with me, and let go of the lies that satan is so easily entangling you with. We are His, and we are enough for Him.
The other night I was talking to my boyfriend Seth, and I ended up asking him for a little bit of his perspective on what he thinks I should talk about in my next blog post. There were so many things that I felt like I could write about, and I was having such a difficult time honing in on what exactly I wanted to discuss. Naturally, we sort of veered off from my original question, and the next morning I was left with yet still no clue as to what I truly felt led to blog about. It's always just come to me. I sit down, I listen to the birds, I sip my coffee, and everything just always seems to flow. For some reason, I came to this one a little bit differently. Difficulty and intentionally, yet beautifully. This time, it came to me in tears. It came to me as I stood crouched over my bed with my fists clenched onto my sheets, with no words coming out of my mouth, but silent cries to the Lord while listening to "A Little Longer" by Jenn Johnson (the live version... trust me). It came to me in a moment where folding my laundry turned into a revelation, and it came to me when I was absolutely least expecting it.
For a while now, I have slowly began to feel somewhat forgotten, or rather, unconsidered. Like the Lord has sort of put me on the back burner while everyone else's lives seem to be coming together and going "their way" if you will. While I am over here simply trudging through the sludge, only to get to somewhere that I am not even certain of what will be. I know deep in my heart of hearts that He DOES care and that my feelings and emotions have overridden any biblical truth on the matter, but nevertheless, I've allowed myself to come to terms with this. My boyfriend lives in San Diego, so there isn't much need for explanation there. He does a wonderful job, but it's tough to balance two time zones, opposing schedules, busy jobs, and everything else that comes with a good ol' long distance relationship. Anyways, most of my siblings are living in Dallas, working together, hanging out together, making plans together, and as secure as I am in my relationships with them, I would be lying if I said that I don't experience extreme cases of FOMO (fear of missing out... I guess that's a thing now) every now and then. I'm also living with my aunt and am currently still on the lookout for a place to stay while her two children are back for the Summer, I have no idea what happens after graduation (where I will live, what I will do, and so on) and on top of that, my best friend is the busiest woman in the world. None of this is truly terrible, but I think after a while it begins to add up, and I've simply started wondering why/accepting the fact that things really haven't been going "my way" and will probably continue not to for a while.
I didn't realize it until yesterday afternoon while listening to that song on repeat, that slowly but surely I have let the evil one convince me that I am hardly a thought in anyone else's mind. Not even that I am undeserving, but that I am simply not even of consideration. That people are busy, the Lord is there but I've just got to deal with the given circumstances whether I like it or not, that I must find contentment in this feeling of insignificance, and my goodness I could not have accepted a bigger lie. The lyrics that triggered every fickle emotion in my being yesterday afternoon were these:
"You don't have to do a thing
Just simply be with me
and let those things go
'Cause they can wait another minute
Wait, this moment is too sweet
Would you please stay here here with me
And love on me a little longer
Cause I like to be with you a little longer
I love to be with you a little longer
Cause I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you"
I wasn't aware of how desperate I was to hear these words from someone. Not just any someone, but from Whom it meant the most. I am so desired, cherished, treasured, sought after, pursued, and prioritized. I am a child of the most high God, and even if I were not even a mere thought in anyone else's mind, I am His first and most treasured thought during every second of every day- He simply wants time with me. He wants me of all people to love on Him a little longer, and that simple yet powerful truth ravished my soul. As difficult as that is to remember at times, when this world and it's harsh ways so desperately desire to make nothing of us, remember with me... We have an ever powerful Father who is sustaining every breath of every little thing on this planet, and He considers us. He considers us above all else. Remember that with me, and let go of the lies that satan is so easily entangling you with. We are His, and we are enough for Him.
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