"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, Who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself complete and make you what you ought to be, establish and ground you securely, and strengthen, and settle you." 1 Peter 5:10
It's been a while, friends. After spending an entire Summer in Dallas, Texas, I am just now feeling like my feet are back underneath me again. The amount of change and learning opportunities that I was able to encounter were ample. From sharing a bed for 3 months, to the blazing heat, to countless misquote bites, the negatives are far outnumbered by the positives of my mothers cooking, Naked and Afraid marathons with my siblings, and brother/sister bonding over Taco Bell. I miss my family. However, it feels almost as wonderful being back in my little town house, sitting at my desk while overlooking the murky yet somehow incredibly inviting lake (okay, swamp) across the street. The stillness and quiet is something I have found that my body needs; this satisfies fairly wonderfully.
Being back home of course entails change. Something I am not very fond of, or very great at handling. Although I finally am beginning to feel a sense of routine and comfortability, a lot has been going on lately- a lot that I find trouble dealing with on my own. I'm pretty sure that my mom has every right to ignore every phone call that she ever receives from me, starting now. She is my rock, and although I am a clone of my father, there are times that I cant help but want mama. Luckily, it isn't just my mother who has to deal with my (insert any synonym of crazy here) ness. I was talking to my best friend Tiana last night about how much I feel is going on, and how unqualified I feel to handle it. She then mentioned the fact she felt the exact same way. We wondered for a moment if something was legitimately wrong with us. Lately, I have been reminded and revealed of how in need of a Savior, wretched, crooked and messed up I really am apart from the loving Father. I began to explain how everything from listening to "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw to watching some dumb little video of a little cat putting his face in a vacuum cleaner, made me want to cry.
I am a verbal analyzer. 99% of the time, I don't quite know how I feel until I begin to explain it- then, it all comes to me. Anyways, as I went on about how absolutely inadequate and overwhelmed I felt, the Lord allowed me to realize something. I need this. As busy as I have been (compared to usual), I have never clung tighter to the Lord. From keeping my face in scripture, to crying out to Him in worship, to bawling my eyes out on my bed in light of His underserved mercy and grace, I need this. Essentially, I want this. As difficult as it may be to deal with all of the overwhelming realities, Him allowing me to see me for what I really am, and to see Him for who He really is, is answered prayer. He is awaking my soul, renewing my mind, and allowing me to reach out and experience His character to the full. The gospel in itself is devastating. It will wreck you if you let it, and let it. Please.
All in all, if you are ever in a situation or season where you find yourself in need of a comfort, healing or restoration that is not of this world, get down to the root of that and find it in Him. He is the only one who can fully and wholly satisfy in times like these. If a difficult season is what it takes for us to draw a little closer to Him, embrace that. He loves it, He really does. He wants you, He wants to show you His love and His grace. Not in a condemning way, but a soft, inviting, appealing, warm and necessary way. Allow yourself to break, come to grips with where you're at and seek the Savior whom will piece by piece, mend you into a better version of the person you were before you broke. Trust Him, seek Him, hold Him tightly, and allow Him to fight the feelings for you. He already has.
