A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24
Lately, I've been in this sort of deep thinking daze. To the point where it's actually a struggle having to constantly remind myself to be present in a busy and "people filled" setting. It's been a wonderful blessing being able to come home to Minnesota and get away from the usual city of Chicago, photography/art projects and work schedule. Plus, its always a bonus not having to pay for a lovely cup of coffee every morning. Although I'm trying to cut back, because I whole-heartedly believe I've become an extreme addict. Anyways, within the last couple of months I've been blessed with the opportunity to realize something. That my "circle" is getting smaller.
At first, this was something that was not okay with me. I went from thinking having tons of shallow relationships was the way to go, to being able to count my friends on two fingers. My dad always told me growing up to be careful who I chose to befriend, and the smaller amount of friends I had was probably the better. "You're extremely lucky if you even find one" he always said. Of course I thought to myself, "Well, I must be pretty dang lucky… or maybe just really cool... cause I have all of these wonderful friends!" Then, a few years pass, they change, I change, and not one of those people do who I talk to, or even know. I continue evaluating the few relationships that I have now, and am amazed at how right the wise people that had counseled me over the years were.
Sometimes you find yourself working so hard to make certain relationships work, when sometimes like my mother told me a couple days ago, "The best thing you can do is give the gift of goodbye". You may be heading in a different direction, down a different path, and you can't let the desire for the comfit of a big circle hold you back. We find ourself combative, fighting for these friendships that have run their course. We think, "Wait, I don't have that big of a circle, what weddings will I be invited to? What fun little get togethers am I going to be apart of if I only have one or two ACTUAL friends?" Or maybe that's just my crazy thought process. Either way, this is a problem. This world is so persistent on throwing at us the message of how important it is to have your group of gossip girls, fun little cocktail nights spent talking about this and that & him and her. And honestly sometimes a big group of friends is not promoted as a bad thing, nor am I saying it is one bit! What I am saying is that finding our security in a "big circle" and not being able to realize that letting go of certain relationships that are unhealthy, or whose season may be over, is an issue that may need some tending to.
I've come to the realization that my circle is small, and will continue getting smaller the more that I step into the young woman that the Lord is calling me to be. Very few people are headed down the course that He has mapped out for us. It is a very narrow road, a very specific calling that each and every one of us are capable of receiving. However, very very few are going to take it. When you choose to live your life in a certain manor that will look very different from those around you, when you walk very close to Him and remain in His will, you're going to lose people. It's just going to happen. People will not always understand, and when you are blessed in this life or the next, maybe they will. However, maybe they wont. And that's okay! It's not an easy path all of the time, but it is absolutely a rewarding one. He WANTS to bless us, and although it looks like such a narrow and difficult road to continue down, there is no better one out there. If your circle is getting smaller and a little bit of fear and insecurity comes with that, embrace it! Keep it up. You will be blessed and you should be proud. If your circle needs to become smaller, let it be. Make those tough decisions and have those difficult conversations. The closer you get to the top, the further you climb up the latter, the less you can take along with you.
It is going to be lonely sometimes, it may even be lonely for seasons at a time. He sees it, He understands and He is constantly with us, encouraging us and just WAITING to bless us immensely. So don't be afraid of small circles, don't be afraid of being hungry for deeper relationship and intimacy with the Lord. You have the tools to make it happen, and He will be right there with you through the tough, difficult, fearful and lonely times so you may be able to experience the abundant life that He has for you, and that only few get to experience. So keep it up, and push on. Embrace your tiny circle, and if need be, eliminate to create one.
