Turn to Him

Sometimes, I just feel weak. I don't feel like waking up and reading the bible or sometimes even a short little devotional like Jesus Calling. I don't have the words to say to the Lord, so I just lay. I lay and stare. Not taking the time to examine my heart as to why I feel nothing. Sometimes my insides feel weak. Sometimes I'm on a roll and I feel as though my relationship with the Lord is going awesome. Answered prayers here and there, I "feel" in tune, close and ready to righteously combat anything that comes my way. Then life happens again. You don't get that job offer you were so confidently praying for & therefore expecting, you had a rough argument with a friend, your house is a mess, something negative was said about you, you're just plain old exhausted, something happened. Anything happened, or nothing happened. Either way, you just cant bring yourself to "feel" anything other that simply nothing towards the Lord.

We all have these moments. I promise you. One of the most important things that I needed to realize was that I am not alone. All I want to do sometimes is try to run away from God, simply out of shame because I fear that I am not measuring up to 90% of the other believers who seem to never have to distant feeling moments. However in my walk? They seem to be more so often than not. One of the things I am working on is not trying to hide myself (which is impossible) or turn and ignore the Lord when I feel unpleasing or non-glorifying. Satan works extremely hard to steer our minds towards anything other than the Lord when we feel like He may be disappointed with us. Satan wants us to feel ashamed, guilty and distant.

Something I am still trying to grasp daily is His grace. How big it is, how real it is and how very strong it is. We sometimes don't fully comprehend the concept of grace, simply because we aren't used to receiving it, or giving it. There are so many characteristics of God that can sometimes be difficult to wrap our minds around. We look up at Him in fear, feeling helpless and so little when we sin, and all He wants to do is grab us, hold us tight and tell us that everything is going to be okay. Yes, He is the God of judgment and justice and we should fear Him with a reverent fear continually. However, He is also the God of comfort. A comfort that only He is able to give. He is the God of peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding. He is love. A love that never fails. Despite every feeling we have ever had to NOT come to Him in worship and in prayer, despite every sin we have ever sinned and will sin, despite our tendencies to run away from the only God who will be able to fully forgive and satisfy our need for that reassuring feeling, despite it all, that love isn't going anywhere. Although it's important to keep those very strong characteristics in mind, the other soft, gracious and merciful characteristics are just as important, if not more. The entire gospel is abounding in grace. The last thing He desires for us is to turn away, feel guilty and shameful, ending up even more distant which is exactly what satan wants for us.

Instead, come to Him in complete honesty. He understands! He created us. He knows we aren't going to "feel" like doing absolutely anything some days! He knows every one of our situations. He is saying "Trust me. I know, beloved. Grab my hand and let me help you. Let's do this together." There is no condemnation in Him. That is the truth. Our desire for Him comes from Him, therefore our feelings are irrelevant. Sometimes I have to come to Him and say "Lord, I am weak, I feel gross, I am tired, I don't feel like praying, I don't feel like reading, I don't feel like becoming more like you I just want to sit and cry. Give me a desire. Please Lord, even though my flesh may not even want one. Lord strengthen me, give me a willingness and a strong desire to sit in your presence and worship you, talk with you and learn from you." He will bless that! I promise. So when you have those seasons of feeling completely complacent and lazy, hurt, bitter, tired, keep in mind all of His characteristics as a whole and remember that He is always pursuing us. He wants to walk with us, He wants to comfort us and allow us to feel His grace and love. Because it is bigger than anything we will ever imagine or know of. It's more real than anything we have ever felt before, and He wants that for us. We have to be open to it, we have to step out of our comfort zone, we have to discipline ourselves to remain where we are standing and say "God, I am weak but strengthen me now." and with everything inside of me I know that He will.