I am someone who finds so much comfort in the pain, fear and struggle of others. I know that sounds somewhat terrible and a little bit frightening, but it's true. That's just the way that I am. Whenever something is going on with me, whenever I'm in a rough spot or season, am drowning in fear or discouragement- second after prayer, I like to go to people. I want to talk. Tell me what YOU'RE scared of, what you cry about often, what forces you to rest in Him all the more? Listening to others open up to a vulnerable, secret and dusty place in their souls... there is something so beautiful about it. It reminds me that I'm not alone. It reminds me that we're all messed up. That we are all indeed so, so very in need of our perfect, ever capable, healing, loving Savior.
To be honest, one of my biggest fears is messing up. I know... I giggled myself. However, it's true! I mean, I have an extensive past. I lied, I stole, I was dishonest, judgmental, disrespectful, dishonoring- I was a hurt, insecure, fearful young girl, hiding behind a rough, mean, and hard exterior. The Lord was no where present in my life, and that was evident for all to see. Then, long story short- the Lord completely transformed my life. He came and shook me, broke me, and is continuing to mold me day by day. He has stolen my heart and I will forever continue living my life as a bondservant of Him.
I think that accepting grace is a process. Yes, you just have to do it, but it's probably one of the hardest things I am continuously learning. Once your eyes are opened to the stunning, breathtaking transforming love of our Lord, you simply begin to become so, so small. I have struggled ever since the day I asked Jesus Christ to come into my heart, with performance. I fear failure, I fear discomfort, I fear fear! I forget that it's okay to be hurt, or terrified, or doubt. I forget that we're all human, and that we came into this world so needy and desperate for our God. I forget that my every breath is being sustained by our Creator. I so easily can get caught up in wrapping my problems inside of this pretty little Paper Source wrapped box with the most darling pink bow on it, and some glitter... you know, just for a little extra distraction.
Something I have been recognizing lately, is how unbelievably imperfect we all are. The issue with my fear of failure, or looking bad, is pride. That is the root of it. Satan wants me to feel as though first of all, I am even capable of doing or being "good" or "perfect" on my own, and that second of all, no one else on this planet is struggling with absolutely anything. It's just me. That is a lie from the pit of hell! We are here FOR people. Our soul purpose here is for us to relationship! To fear, doubt and mess up together, and then to pick each other up and push each other towards Christ! To ask the stranger sitting next to you on the train, what his greatest fear is. To talk to someone new on your lunch break, and to begin a conversation about how many times daily I have to remind myself of God's truth and grace, while in a relationship! People are so willing, I promise you! We just rarely give each other the space, the time or the effort, to allow ourselves access to such a valuable reminder: We are not alone. We all need Him! Growth comes with vulnerability. It doesn't always come easy! Think of the times in your life where you have experienced the most growth! It's when you have to wake up at 4:00 a.m. to babysit the children of the corn! It's when your boss is an #%&$@ and you have to fight every ounce of your will in order to not flip a table. It's when you lose someone so close to you, or when you find out the most heart wrenching news you have ever received. Those are the times when we need and desire for someone or something so much bigger than ourselves. Everyone is hurting, everyone is struggling in one area or another. Let's remind ourselves of that, come together and point, push, and encourage each other towards Him.
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