Give it to Him

"Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power." Ephesians 6:10

Where to BEGIN!? I almost have no idea. However, I do know that this morning was a big one. A morning of freedom, realization, pain and excitement! A lot of feels for one morning, but believe it. When I was in High School, I was in my parent's room and my dad told me to stand on the very edge of this floral rug that they had on the ground in front of their television. As I stood there confused, he told me to then lean far in front of me while keeping my feet on the edge. As far as I could go without letting myself fall. He then proceeded to tell me that that was where I was. That I am on the edge of something amazing! I'm so close to being in a good state, a peaceful and powerful place in my relationship with the Lord, but something is holding me back and I'm letting it. That's exactly how I've felt in these past several months.

Have you ever held onto something that you feel the Holy Spirit telling you to let go of? Are you currently rather? Bitterness towards a sister, a lingering relationship with a significant other, hurt from a friend doing you wrong, fear of something that should be in the Lord's hands? Whatever it is, I'm with you. For a long time, I've felt like I could't fully and 100% give every ounce of me to the Lord. And I had no idea what it was! I seriously would wake up and not have peace, and not understand as to why I couldn't just sit and rest in the presence of God without going back and seeing if there is any sin that hash't been dealt with, or trying to figure out where I let satan get a foothold. I got tired of it- and did nothing about it. Needless to say, fear took over. I wanted so desperately to just give EVERYTHING of myself to the Lord, but the Holy Spirit was telling me to let go of something, and slowly but surely after shoving that particular thing to the back of my mind in hopes that our God would potentially you know- just forget about it like I wanted to, after intentionally becoming so distant from that very thing that I had to pray and ask the Lord what it was, fully knowing the answer however not wanting to accept it, after such a long time without full satisfaction, I allowed myself to realize. And BOY was it difficult. I kept thinking "what if I let this go and You don't replace the pain with something else?" In other words, "What if I have to hurt?" 

For some reason, this very question, "what if I have to hurt" kept me from peace, joy, fulfillment and freedom for quite some time. We are so afraid of hurt, when this is the very thing the Lord tries to prepare us for in His word. We will experience pain, for His glory alone! My fear and distrust in the Lord led me to hold on to these things things and these feelings that the Lord wanted to replace for such a long time! I felt Him daily trying to reassure me and push me towards letting it go, but I didn't have the strength on my own. And it was this morning I realized that without Him, I cannot do one darn thing. Without Him, I have not only a little bit of strength, but no strength at all. He asked of me something, and I was right. I couldn't do it on my own even if I was willing! But He didn't ask me so He could see if I would be able to do it by myself, He asked me because He knew what I was missing out on, He wanted better for me emotionally and spiritually, and it was going to be ALL HIM. All I had to do was let Him. Don't get me wrong, we're going to have to do some work too. With the strength that He provides in us, His mind, His power and heart, we are going to have to actively trust, allow do what He is asking of us. But by His power alone will we do it. 

I wanted peace. For months, I went back to everything I knew in the bible about trusting God and Him comforting me and all of the "feel good" chapters like Psalms, Corinthians, Ephesians & John. For the longest time I meditated on those genre of verses just to ignite the Lord's strength inside of me to be able to come to terms with the very thing I had not wanted to. I was scared, I didn't want to let go of what He so badly wanted me to, and I was giving power to the evil one who wanted me to hold on for as long as possible, only to get further and further from where the Lord had me going. That is always his goal. Always.With all of that being said, this morning I took the active step towards letting. it. go. And I finally did! No, I'm not 5 months in, I don't have all of the answers when it comes to what happens afterwards. However, I'm guessing that along with a tiny bit of hurt, or even a lot of hurt, I will experience what the Lord has been waiting to give me for such a long time. I will rest in peace in His presence, I will begin to see the small things again and appreciate them with every ounce of being in me. I will be able to give myself the opportunity to TRUST and to desire, and know that the Lord has my perfect plan in mind. I can focus on Him completely, awaiting the next trial that He has for me. This one was so not fun. Seriously, when are they? But I know that I have hit a strength level that I never knew I would be able to reach. I have a new passion and desire to strive to look like Him in everything I do, knowing I will come short and ready to accept His grace that is brand new every single morning. I want what He has, not what He has and a little bit of what I want, but all that He has for me- hurt, pain, trials and all. It so worth it. 

All in all, please. I beg of you- begin actively taking steps towards letting go of what you feel the Spirit inside of you is telling you to let go of. Weather you know the reasoning or not, allow Him to show you so you can trust Him that much more! If He always told us why, we would have no story! No reason to trust Him! Let Him help you. He is holding your hand and telling you that you can do it. I promise you that you can. So please, for the sake of you and more importantly Him, hand it up to Him, and the peace that surpasses your understanding will guard your heart and your mind through Him. He promises it!
x