The Power of Prayer

As I sit here quietly, looking out at the rainy and windy weather with my plastic cup of coffee purchased at a gas station, I can't help but think about all of last week and the few things that stuck out to me and sort of sum it up. Something along the lines of fear, hurt and distrust. It sounds a little dramatic, but for some reason I can't help but be honest with myself and say that those words are the best words to describe how I've felt.

Moving to Dallas is an opportunity for me around this upcoming September. My parents, two younger siblings and a couple other siblings are packing up and heading there this Summer with much to look forward to. However, as thrilled as I am for them, I cannot say that I am in the same position. I don't have something super exciting waiting for me. I haven't felt a push from the Lord yet to go nor stay, and I've let satan make me feel as though everything wonderful was happening to my parents, brothers and sisters and somehow the Lord was forgetting about me. Nothing happening, nothing too exciting, a lot of potentials, but nothing set in stone. I've felt confused, forgotten and hurt. Change is something I've always sort of disliked. Highly. It's scary to have no idea what is next. Not knowing what's happening with this situation over here, that situation over there, nothing really concrete going on, it's terrifying. I was frightened and sort of felt like I was put on the back burner, along with all of the crazy feels of change. It didn't feel good- to say the least.

Do you ever have one of those days, or even weeks where you just cannot understand how or why you are so emotional? I consider myself a pretty sensitive person. Emotional? Not so much. If anything, I can't stand when people see me cry! However for some reason, I just couldn't seem to push that little ball of tears back down my throat. It was just everything... coming home, making some tea and tearing up at the table, or waking up and having a quiet time that continually seemed to end with my face in my hands, or watching Parenthood by myself and seriously bawling towards the television! It wasn't until yesterday morning when I began trying to figure out what these (not very good) feelings were, and where they were coming from. I went to church, and during the entire worship portion of the service, I couldn't even open my mouth to sing without crying. I felt it in my spirit, but couldn't utter the words towards the Lord. That's when I began to realize where I was at, and how badly I needed prayer. Sometimes we're able to completely explain to God what is going on with us. Other times, you can't even move your lips to explain why you feel the way you do- if you even understand yourself.

The words "You will never leave me" or "You are right by my side" were lyrics that I just couldn't find the strength to sing. Why? Because I didn't FEEL them. Those words and lyrics of truth were just so hard to even think of, given the fact that I felt so forgotten. I couldn't find it in me to sing and to pray, telling the Lord what I felt or wanted. Thats when I asked my sister if she would pray for me before her and her boyfriend left my house last night.

Before they left, we sat on my bed and sort of offered up our prayer requests. I listened to what was going on in her life, her fears and her excitements, setbacks and worries. I listened to her boyfriend Matthew as he discussed the different anxieties going on in his life and the fearful thoughts running through his mind, and as it came to be my turn, they listened. I didn't tell them what to pray for, because honestly- I had not a clue. I simply expressed my hurts and fears with them. What I felt in my heart and what I thought in my mind. And as I sat there discouraged and in hurtful tears, they graciously and encouragingly lifted me up. Not with opinions but with truths. They reminded me of the things that I knew in my heart to be true about how much the Lord has in store for my life, and the amazing thoughts He has towards me. That He hasn't forgotten me one bit. Before we even bowed our heads, the love I felt inside and the truths that I had neglected for some time was re-instilled in my mind and my heart. It was beautiful.

Something happened while praying for each other. A certain strength, peace and love was flowing within us. Throughout all of the anxieties, fears and hurts, the Lord is so, so good. He is with us, and working through us in this time of vulnerability and confusion. The power of prayer gave me the strength to move forward with a better mindset and attitude for this week. Granted, there are certain fears that I am going to have to continuously work through. It'll be a journey of growth and learning, but I'm willing and excited. I'm excited to trust, to learn and to grow more intimate with Him. I'm ready to let go of the things that I feel, and replace them with the truth inside of the Word that I know in my heart, and I'm thankful that I have loving people who may remind me of that in the mean time.